


Secrets can be dangerous

by firesong79



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: M/M, Minor Violence, Secrets, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2020-10-05 23:57:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20497499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firesong79/pseuds/firesong79
Summary: Some secrets need to be kept, because they can be dangerous. They can be dangerous to know, and dangerous to be known. However, sometimes the need to tell is greater than the reason for the secret.Bram has a secret that Simon doesn’t know. Bram is not supposed to tell, but the strain of the secret is wearing on his relationship. If he keeps it, he may lose Simon.If he tells, he could still lose Simon, and a lot more.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first attempt at a story on this site. so please be gentle with criticism. if it sucks though, tell me it sucks :). 
> 
> this is just a preliminary chapter to see if it's something that anyone likes, and would like to see more of :).

Simon couldn’t sleep. Not that that was unusual. A combination of coffee at all hours, Oreos loaded with sugar, late night conversations with Bram, with a healthy dash of insomnia, made his sleeping patterns pretty much crap. Tonight though, he couldn’t sleep for a different reason.

He and Bram had had a…well not a fight, so much as some tenser words? A weirdly uncomfortable situation? Simon wasn’t sure exactly how to define it, or how to even describe what happened. They had been sitting at lunch…

_\--Cafeteria--_

Leah perked up as Simon approached the table, a grin spreading across her face. “Si!! We were talking, and wondering if maybe you’d be willing to go into the city on Friday…there is this great LGBT friendly place my mom took me to, and I’m dying to introduce you guys!”

“I dunno Leah, last time I went to something like that, was when Nick tried to cheer me up…it was fun, but it was a little uncomfortable.”

“Oh come on! We’d all be there, and this is not a bar, it’s a restaurant. The food was great, and the atmosphere was just so open & friendly. I know you’d love it!” Leah was looking at Simon with an expression he didn’t see often on her face, excitement. Leah usually projected a very calm & unruffled front, so to see the excitement literally radiating out of her eyes was something he did not want to put a damper on. However, he also wasn’t sure about a trip to the city on a Friday night. Simon just started picturing traffic, and crowds.

“Leah, I…”

Simon was saved from continuing as Bram, Abby & Garrett arrived at the table.

“So, did you ask him yet?” Abby said to Leah.

“I’m in the middle of it.”

“Did he say yes?”

“Not yet, I’m working on it. He will though.”

  
  
“Hello!” Simon interrupted, waving his hand between them, “I am right here!”

Abby laughed, and turned to look at Simon, “Hi Si! What time are we picking you up” as if it was already a forgone conclusion that he was going. Simon knew Abby could be like a force of nature when she wanted to be.

“Picking who up for what?” Garrett asked. He hated to be left out of anything that sounded remotely fun or interesting.

Leah responded, “We are trying to convince Simon to go to Joe’s on Juniper on Friday. It was this great LGBT friendly place that my mom took me this past weekend, and it was awesome! Don’t’ worry Garrett, I just assumed you were going to be with us. Please pass the invite on to Cal. Now, if we can just convince Simon to come, Bram will come automatically. So at the moment, Simon is the only hold out.” Garrett’s face lit up at the thought of an adventure to an LGBT friendly place. He had only recently come out as pan, and shortly after started dating Cal. He was up for anything that helped broaden his world.

Simon had to smile a little bit at Leah’s statement, that if he said he’d go, Bram would come automatically. He knew that he and Bram were practically joined at the hip, and where one was, the other often would be found. However, when he looked up at Bram…there was something on his face that stopped his smile.

Bram looked, well not angry but not exactly happy about the potential excursion. He looked really tense.

“That’s by Piedmont isn’t it?” Bram asked. His voice sounded, odd. As if he was controlling some strong emotion, trying very hard to keep it contained.

“Umm…yes I think so? Maybe a few blocks away.” Leah replied, a little confused at the random question. The proximity to the park hadn’t really been something she was thinking of.

“I’m not so sure it’s a good idea to go there on a Friday night. Crowds & Simon don’t always mix.”

Now, Simon could admit that he wasn’t the hugest fan of large crowds, though oddly enough he did not mind concerts where they were jammed in like sardines. However it felt like right now, Bram was using Simon as an excuse to not go. If Bram didn’t’ want to go that’d have been fine, but just say that. He also didn’t miss the side eye that Garrett threw Bram, as if he was just as confused by Bram as Simon was.

“I think I’d be fine with the crowd in a restaurant. I was fine when Nick took me to that bar, and I’ve never had a problem at concerts before. I think I’ll be ok.” Simon knew he had a tone in his voice, but something about the way Bram was using him as an excuse, was irritating him to no end.

“Simon I…” Bram started.

“Great!!” Leah interjected. “We’ll call for a reservation!” Abby let out a cheer that attracted attention from some of the other tables, but in typical Abby fashion, she ignored the attention.

“Simon I…” Bram started again, as the lunch bell rang. The group quickly finished up before Bram could say what he wanted to. Simon could tell though, Bram was not happy.

_\--Simon’s bedroom--_

As Simon replayed the scene in his head, he still could not figure out what had made Bram unhappy. Why Bram, if he didn’t want to go, wouldn’t just say that instead of trying to use Simon as an excuse. Also, why for the rest of the day, had Bram barely looked at Simon.

Simon had texted Bram after he got home, asking him if everything was ok. His normally loquacious (SAT word!) boyfriend had replied with one word, “Yes.” Nothing more. Simon would almost think they were having a fight, but he didn’t feel like they were. He felt like fights were somehow “more” than what was going on. He couldn’t describe it. It was maddening.

Simon looked over at the clock to see it was 2am. He had to try to get some sleep, before his alarm clock went off. He reached over and turned off the light on his nightstand. As the room fell in to darkness, Simon had the weird feeling of being watched. He dismissed it as exhaustion. He pulled out one of Bram’s sweatshirts, that he had left behind. He snuggled into that, and slowly fell into slumber with the scent of Bram surrounding him.

_\--Interlude--_

Outside, a figure watched the light go out in the bedroom. Tension was radiating off of them, in waves that were almost palpable. The figure let out a deep sigh and whispered, “Simon, what am I going to do with you?”

With one last glance at the house, the figure walked into the shadows, and disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> full confession i did not read the book, just saw the movie. i am moving the story back to Junior year vs senior. 
> 
> i have no knowledge of the restaurant mentioned in Atlanta. i googled to find a restaurant, LGBT friendly, near piedmont and picked this one. i have no idea of anything else about it (reservations, age limits, etc).


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stars. Texts. Morning rituals. Not sure if i'll be good at summarizing :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said last time, i'm totally open for constructive criticism. however if it it sucks, i'll take that as constructive too :).

\--_Bram_\--

Bram lay back in the grass looking up the stars, taking comfort in their light. They always made him think of diamonds in a sea of black velvet as they shined in the sky. The stars never failed to bring him comfort, due not just to their beauty, but their permanence. They were unchanged & unchanging. Had always been, and always would be. There was just such a comfort to him in that. 

Right now, he needed that comfort. He could not stop hearing the discussion at the lunch table about going out on Friday night to a restaurant in Atlanta. He could not stop hearing Simon getting annoyed, when Bram tried to get them out of going. As he opened his mouth to speak, he knew what he was about to say was stupid. He couldn’t stop himself. He needed Simon to not go.

So of course, even though Simon hadn’t seemed too keen on the idea of going, was now going because he was annoyed at Bram. If Bram had kept his mouth shut, or come up with something suitable for the two of them to do alone, Simon would have declined. He loved nothing more than to spend time alone with Bram.

So now Bram had to make a choice of whether or not to go with the group. Whichever choice he made, there could be consequences.

He hated making choices.

\--_Simon_\--

Simon’s eyes snapped open as his alarm went off. He hadn’t slept well, and he could already feel the need for a lot of coffee. He rolled over and picked up his phone, and was both excited & almost nervous; he had a text from Bram. The message sent at about 3:30 in the morning. Apparently Simon wasn’t the only one who couldn’t sleep.

** _Hey Si, I’m so sorry about lunch yesterday. _ **  
** _ We’ve spent a lot of time lately with the group, and I guess_ **  
** _I was hoping to get just some “us” time this weekend. I couldn’t_ **  
** _think of how to say that in front of everyone, and I just kind of_ **  
** _panicked and next thing I knew…I was talking. I could tell you_ **  
** _were upset, and I couldn’t figure out how to apologize. I am sorry_ **  
** _though love. I hope you forgive me._ **

Simon couldn’t help but smile. This text, and the time it was sent at, just reminded Simon again how sweet Bram was. He could picture him tossing & turning in bed, before getting up and sending this just to make sure it was one of the first things Simon saw when he himself woke up.

** _I love you. I can’t wait to see you this morning. Your apology is accepted. Coffee is on me. <3_ **

Now, in a much better mood (though still very much needing coffee), Simon got out of bed and headed towards the bathroom to start his day.

\--_Bram-- _

Bram smile down at his phone with Simon’s reply, coming within a few minutes of Simon’s alarm going off. He was happy that Simon did not seem too annoyed with him, or at least annoyed enough that he didn’t reply to the message. And he was buying the coffee today, not that Bram actually needed it, but it still tasted great.

He quickly got dressed and headed downstairs to grab a quick bite.

Standing in the kitchen sipping a cup of coffee, was Mrs. Greenfeld. He walked over with a smile and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Her smile at the gesture, while small, was so warm it could almost be felt.

“Good morning baby! Ready for a fun day at school?”

“Oh yeah! I can’t wait for a great day of learning!” Bram replied, with just a small hint of sarcasm. Not much though, it was never a good idea to make her think he was sassing her in the slightest. She chuckled as he reached into the refrigerator for the protein shake he had made up the night before. It was better fresh, but he likes lying in a little bit in the morning. He immediately took a big gulp, and could feel his hunger abating almost instantly.

“Almost time for summer vacation isn’t it?”

“Yes ma’am. Just a little over a month or so. I can’t wait!”

“Just to set this rule now, I do hope you aren’t planning on having Simon over here every day just because I’ll be at work.”

“Of course I’m not! Some days we’ll go to his place, because his parents also have work. We’ll keep it nice and balanced.” Bram replied with a cheeky grin.

“Bram…”

“I promise. We will behave. I hope you don’t expect for us to not see each other during the day, and wait patiently for a parent to be home for ‘supervision’ to be in place.”

She leveled him with a look. He had gotten a little too close to the sass line.

“Abraham. No, I don’t expect you to sit quietly in the house until I get home. I do expect though you to follow the rules that we’ve agreed on. They are for your safety as well you know.”

He couldn’t meet her gaze, and looked down at the floor. He knew. Oh boy did he know. He so wanted to cast off every rule that he had, and damn the consequences. However he also knew that that would be an extraordinarily stupid thing to do. He looked up her, as she was staring at him waiting for an answer.

“I know. I promise. And I’m sorry for my sass. I know we’ve had “the talk” quite a few times, and you know that Simon and I have been intimate. I know you know we aren’t going to suddenly become vestal virgins for the summer, but we will not be having a hedonistic orgy either. With that, I do have a request that I was hoping you’d at least listen to?”

Her eyes softened as she listened to his apology. He had never hidden anything from her, no matter how embarrassing. He’d found it easier over the years to just tell her, versus trying to keep something a secret. It usually made things a lot easier.

“Thank you for apologizing. I also know and respect that you and Simon have had your own conversations, and did not do anything either of you was not ready for. I am proud of you for that. I know it’s not easy to be as open and honest with me as you are, but I do appreciate it. Now, what is this request of yours?”

He could see in her expression that she was slightly amused, and curious. A good combination for what he was going to ask.

“Do you think that you and Emily, might be able to potentially allow Simon & I to… maybehaveasleepoverateachothershousesandnothavethedooropenipromisewewouldn’tbehavingsexjustsleeping. “ Bram blurted the last bit out so super-fast, it sounded like one long word.

Mrs Greenfeld took one look at his face & burst out laughing. He looked like a 2 year old who was hoping for a cookie. He was biting his lower lip, head slightly down but angled up to look at her through his eye lashes. It was a classic manipulation look, and Bram probably didn’t even realize he did it.

“Bram, I’ll think about it. You know there are some potential issues with that here, and then I don’t know how Emily will respond. I promise though I will think it over, and we can talk about it before I broach it with Emily. Deal?”

Bram, knowing this was at least a fair offer of consideration, nodded his head. He would have preferred a more positive response, but he also knew this was not a bad one. His phone buzzed, and when he checked, it was a message from Simon telling him he had just left his house. He knew approximately how long it would take for Simon to get there to pick him up.

“Thanks! Si just texted me so I’m going to finish getting ready.”

Bram began to leave the kitchen to complete his morning ritual, when a clearing throat caught his attention.

“Yes?”

“You didn’t finish your drink.”

Oh! Bram immediately went over and finished his shake, feeling it hit his system. He grinned at her, as he began to clean out the cup.

“Thanks! Definitely wouldn’t want to go to school without that.”

“No. We certainly don’t’ want a repeat of last time…”

Bram immediately sobered. No. They did not. He nodded at her, and headed upstairs to finish getting ready. He definitely never wanted a repeat of last time. Especially around Simon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case it was hard to read, bram's one long word was:
> 
> "maybe have a sleepover at each others houses and not have the door open i promise we wouldn’t be having sex just sleeping"


	3. Chapter 3

\--_Bram_ \--

Bram had decided to take a fast shower before school. He usually preferred to shower afterwards, since he had to shower after soccer practice anyway. However, he wanted to put a little extra effort in this morning. He knew Simon was not angry at him, but it couldn’t hurt to look extra nice.

He stepped across the hall into his room, and began to put on the clothes he selected. He didn’t go too far, as he was going to school not church after all. He gave himself a once over, and liked what he saw. His dark jeans fit him “just” right in all the right places; enough to get a reaction from Simon, but not so much that it was potentially indecent. Paired with a deep plum shirt that was almost perfectly fitted, and one quick spray of the cologne he knew Simon loved, and he was done.

He looked at his watch, and exactly on time, heard the honk of Simon’s car out front. Simon usually had only a semi decent grasp on time. When picking people up for something however, he was almost painfully punctual. Simon hated to be the reason someone else was late.

Bram grabbed his bag, and raced down the stairs. The emptiness of the house indicated he was alone, so he didn’t stop to say goodbye. He stopped at the door, took a deep breath, and stepped out into the sunshine to greet the day. And his boyfriend.

\-- _Simon_ \--

The trio smirked at Simon as Bram stepped out of his house. Simon had gone from his normal laughing & joking around, to just frozen as Bram came into view. It looked like Simon might not even be breathing.

“Simon.” Nick said, to no response. Simon was fixated on Bram, who almost seemed to be walking slower than normal, as if making sure Simon got a good long look.

“Simon.” Leah tried, a giggle in her voice. Simon blinked, but gave no other indication of a reaction. His hand holding Bram’s coffee shook slightly as Bram was almost to the car.

Abby put her hand out in front of Simon’s face, and snapped her fingers as she called out, “Simon!!”

Simon jumped. Abby’s hand had broken the line of sight to Bram, so that the snap & hearing his name actually got his attention. Thankfully he did not drop the coffee he was holding.

“Holy fuck...” was all that Simon said. At that, the trio started laughing hysterically, just as Bram got to the door. As he opened the car, his expression immediately changed to one of confusion at the laughter.

“Good morning guys. What’s so funny?” Bram asked.

“Simon almost had an aneurysm. No big deal.” Nick replied, laughter still very evident in his voice.

“Oh?” Bram asked with a smile, now looking directly at Simon.

Simon just blinked, shook his head, and handed Bram the coffee he’d been holding. “You look great,” Simon said in a breathy voice, as if he couldn’t quite get the words to produce. “And you smell amazing.”

The smile that lit Bram’s face was almost effervescent.

_Mission Accomplished. _

\-- _School_ \--

Pulling into the parking lot, the group all shared a collective sigh. Abby tried to lighten the mood a little, “Hey, at least it’s Wednesday. The weekend is almost here!”

Leah rolled her eyes at her, but still gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “You are far too perky in the mornings.” The rest of the group gave an almost unanimous agreement, which caused Abby to stick her tongue out at them.

Smiling they headed inside. Simon’s hand finding Bram’s automatically. It was like breathing, or walking. He didn’t think about it, he just did it. His hand went out, and Bram’s was always just there. Waiting for him. Like a key in a lock, their hands just fit perfectly.

Walking down the hall, they were greeted mostly with smiles. So very different than how things had been after Martin had outed him. The difference was night and day. Simon knew that was in no small way, because Bram walked by his side.

After running to their lockers, Bram, Abby & Simon met Garrett & quickly headed to English to score spaces on the couch. Thankfully they were just early enough that they were successful. Simon sat between Bram & the arm, enjoying the closeness.

Then, Abby began to talk, and things got weird. Again.

“So guys, Leah & I were talking. We figured we’d make the reservation for 5pm on Friday. We were thinking we’d all stay at Nick’s that night, so we’d go there after school to drop our stuff off, and head to the city. It should take hopefully no more than an hour, two at the outside, to get there. We’d be able to relax & enjoy, maybe walk around for a bit afterwards and still get back to Nick’s early enough so no one breaks a curfew. We figure that with Simon & Bram, Leah & I, Nick, Garrett & Cal, two cars should be enough. So just need to tell our parents the details, and we should be set. What do you think?”

As Abby began talking, Simon felt Bram stiffen again. He could feel him getting tenser as Abby continued to lay out the plan. As he opened his mouth, to reply to Abby or question Bram he wasn’t sure, he heard a sharp snap. He looked down at Bram’s hands, to see the pencil he had been holding snapped in half. Garrett’s head had snapped over to look, and his eyes opened in almost shock.

“Bram!? Are you ok?” Abby asked in concern.

“I’m fine.” Bram replied. His voice though was clipped & cold. “I’ll be right back. I just want to throw this out.” He quickly got up and headed to the garbage can. When he turned around to come back, Simon could see that something was really bothering Bram. What was it about this trip to a restaurant that was making Bram crazy?

As Bram sat back down, but before he could ask, Mr. Wise walked in to start class. Looking around, Simon could see Abby & Garrett both giving Bram weird looks. Bram pretended to ignore them, and faced forward.

That was it. Simon was done. Bram had gone from relaxed & happy, to tense and cold in a few heartbeats, just because Abby was giving details on Friday’s adventure. He could tell how important this trip was to her & Leah, and he was going to find out what Bram’s deal was. He’d never seen Bram act like this before. It was just not like him. Between this, and yesterday at lunch, he needed to talk to Bram.

\-- _Bram_ \--

:_Shit, shit shit shit shit shit shit! Why did I do that!?!? Crap! How the hell do I explain this now?! No one just “accidentally” breaks a pencil. Garrett & Abby are looking at me funny, and Simon is not going to just let this go. I’m going to have to ask for help here. I can’t _**not**_ go, any more than I _**could** _actually go. Talk about breaking the rules…:_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Using a story device one of my favorite authors does, putting colons around italicized words, to indicate thoughts.
> 
> Also, anyone have any thoughts as to why Bram would be acting like this? :)


	4. Chapter 4

_\-- Bram --_  
  


Bram splashed cold water on his face, and look at his reflection in the mirror of the handicap stall. He was having trouble pulling himself together. He had practically sprinted out of class once he got the “ok” from Mr. Weiss. As if a movie were playing in his mind, he saw the pencil breaking over and over again.  
  
_Snap_

_Snap_

_Snap_

_Snap_  
  
What was wrong with him!? He should have much better control by now, and should not have lost it even for a moment. Especially considering it was over something as stupid, to others, as plans for a fun Friday night in Atlanta. Now, not only was Simon wondering what was up, but so were Abby & Garrett.  
  
Garrett…crap! Of all people that he did not want trying to figure out what happened, Garrett would be last on his list. He knew that Garrett could be like a dog with a bone when something got in his head. He might play the “dumb jock” role to perfection, but he missed nothing. Bram knew that Garrett had an eidetic memory, which allowed him to not study hard and still ace a test; when he wanted to ace it. Bram knew that the only reason certain things had flown under the table was that Garrett would never have believed the truth anyway, so the puzzle pieces never truly fit.  
  
He wasn’t very concerned about Abby, even if she told Leah. He could get past them both pretty easy, and Nick was not an issue. Not that they wouldn’t be concerned, but they weren’t going to be able to faze him. He knew that he’d be able to stay under their radar for the most part.  
  
Simon & Garrett however…  
  
Bram squeezed his eyes shut as the tension in his head built. The movie started playing again, and with it his heart started beating faster, and his breath was becoming shallow. He felt like he was on the verge of a panic attack…  
  
_Snap_

_Snap_

_Snap_

_Snap_

_SNAP_

**_CRACK!_**  
  
Bram’s eyes shot open as he looked at the bathroom mirror. A mirror which was now crisscrossed with lines that ran back and forth, across its no longer smooth surface. Bram stared at the mirror with a rising sense of dread, and a rising feeling of defeat. This should not be happening…  
  
_Knock, Knock_  
  
“Bram?”  
  
Shit. Simon.

At this moment, for the first time ever, Bram did not want to see Simon Spier.  
  
  
\-- _Simon –-_  
  


Simon wanted to follow Bram immediately, as he knew something was wrong. He also knew that Mr. Weiss would not allow it. He wasn’t super strict with students leaving class, but he was not about to let Simon chase Bram. So Simon did something he does not do well. He waited.  
  
_5 minutes_  
  
Simon was trying to pay attention to Mr. Weiss as he went over the assignment that was going to be due on Monday. However he kept looking at the clock…  
__  
10 minutes  
  
Simon looked over at Garrett, and caught his eyes. He could see the thoughts churning behind Garrett’s eyes as they looked from where Bram had been seated, to the door. Mr. Weiss was now droning, and Simon heard nothing.  
  
_15 minutes_  
  
Simon’s pen cap looked like Bieber had found it and used it like a chew toy. He couldn’t stop. The look on Bram’s face when he left was just staying in front of his mind’s eye. He wanted to go chase him, but he knew he couldn’t. Yet. The droning now sounded like a story was being told. He vaguely heard laughter from the other students.  
  
_20 minutes_  
  
He couldn’t take it anymore. Surely by now Mr. Weiss would not assume he and Bram had planned to slip away together. He raised his hand, and asked to go the bathroom. As he suspected, Mr. Weiss absently waived his hand in approval. He quickly asked Abby to take his stuff to next period if he wasn’t back in time. He saw the concern in her eyes as she nodded.  
  
He left the room quickly, trying to figure out where Bram might have gone. In times like this, Bram was actually very predictable:

  * He would not leave school. He wouldn’t even think of it. So he was still here. 
    * Plus Simon had driven in that morning.
  * He’d want to be somewhere quiet, but alone. So that eliminated the Library.
  * He’d want to be able to hide, but not obviously be alone if found. The Auditorium was out.
  * He’d want a very reasonable excuse to be wherever he was. The Cafeteria and any empty classrooms were out

Simon felt proud of himself at the logic. There was only one reasonable place left when you eliminated the others. A bathroom. Though that brought up another puzzle…  
  
Which one?  
  
Simon paused and took a breath, trying to think. There were several that Bram could have gone to in the school. After a moment of thought, Simon took a chance that Bram would have planned on being gone the whole period, and would have chosen the bathroom closest to his next class.  
  
Simon started walking quickly to where Bram’s next class would be. As he entered the bathroom, he could see the last stall, the handicap stall was closed. Simon made his way over to the door.  
  
_Knock, Knock_  
  
“Bram?  
  
  
\-- _Bram & Simon --_  
  
  
_Click_  
  
Simon stepped back as Bram opened the door, and paused to take him in. He could tell that Bram was exceedingly embarrassed by the way he would not look him in the eyes. He could also tell Bram was worried, as he kept wringing his hands. Simon might not be a genius at life, but he would always get an A+ in Bramology.  
  
“Simon, I want to expl…” Bram started, before being enveloped in a hug by Simon. His arms came up immediately to wrap around Simon’s body, and they squeezed tightly almost to ensure Simon wasn’t going anywhere.  
  
Simon looked at their reflection in the mirror, and almost smiled at how cute the image was. He turned his attention back to Bram, and spoke to him in a quiet voice. “Bram, I don’t know what’s going on up in the head of yours, and I’m getting worried. After soccer practice, no excuses, you and I are going to sit down, and I want us to talk. Communicating has always been something we are good at. Please don’t change that now. I hate feeling like you are hiding things.”  
  
Simon felt Bram take in a deep breath, and slowly release it. He knew this technique of Bram’s, which helped calm & center him.  
  
“Ok. We’ll talk after soccer. Tonight.”  
  
Bram pulled back and looked Simon in the eyes. He began to lean forward to give a soft kiss, when the bell rang signaling the end of the period. Knowing that someone would probably be coming in, they stepped away from each other.  
  
“Crap! I have to run. My class is on the other side of the building. Abby is bringing my stuff.” Simon pushed forward quickly, gave Bram the kiss that Bram had wanted to give Simon, said a quick “I love you,” and took off.  
  
Bram looked back at the bathroom stall and sighed. He needed to make that phone call. He went back and looked at himself in the mirror one last time; to make sure he looked ok. The mirror’s unblemished surface shined back at him.  
  
“Secrets suck,” Bram muttered to himself as he picked up his bag and headed to his next class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry for the delay!!!!!!!!!
> 
> so, what ideas do you have? did this give you more clues, or add more confusion? do you think you have it...or is it back to the drawing board? :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap… I didn’t realize 6 months had passed since the last update. It really doesn’t feel like it’s been that long...i can’t promise fast updates (obviously) but...here we go with the next chapter. :).

_ \-- Bram -- _

Bram looked at Mr. Henderson’s back as he wrote on the board, for all intents & purposes, being the studios and attentive student that he knew he had the reputation for being. He was even taking notes, though he was not paying full attention. A gift he knew he was blessed to have in this situation. The words flowed in one ear, and went directly to his hand, writing themselves into neat & organized notes. With asterisks, arrows, and references. No wonder people always asked to borrow his notes.  
  
He however, was not paying attention to a single thing that the teacher said. His attention was occupied by the phone in his other hand. He was having to type quick in order to not be caught, which was annoying his Grammar OCD to no end.   
  
**_To Mom: Non emergency. Need help. _**

**_  
  
_****_What’s up? And thank you for saying_** ** _  
'non emergency’ before the help._ **

  
Bless her for responding quickly. Bram wasn’t sure he could have taken it if she was busy and unable to reply. **   
  
**

**_I didn’t tell you that the group_****_ is planning to go to Atlanta to a gay friendly _** **_restaurant.  
  
On Friday night.  
  
Near Piedmont.   
  
Had an incident. Not a big one, but something semi-noticeable. Kind of freaking out.   
_**

** _Oh dear. What happened?   
  
_ **

** _Tried at first to say no, but used Simon’s usual _** **_aversion to crowds. Made him annoyed, and I  
_****_think he said “Yes” out of annoyance. Then today i_****_n class, it came up. Had a pencil in my hand and  
_**** _I just got so worked up, I broke it in half. Ran out. _** **_Hid in a bathroom. Got more worked up. Broke a  
_****_mirror._**

**_  
When you say, broke a mirror…  
_** ** _do you mean, with your fist?_ **

** _  
No._ **

** _But...how did that happen? I thought  
_** ** _we had that under control!_ **

** _  
I was just so freaked out about the pencil, breaking  
_ ** ** _it in front of Simon AND Garrett, started spiraling,  
_** ** _lost more control, and then...   
  
_ **

** _Simon found me in the bathroom,  
_** ** _but I was able to fix the situation. I know he wants to  
_ ** ** _have a talk, and I’m sure Garrett will also want  
_** ** _to talk about it...my reaction to them is completely   
_ ** ** _overboard over just wanting to go to dinner at a  
_** ** _restaurant.   
  
_ **

“Mr. Greenfeld. When was the 18th amendment ratified?”  
  


Bram usually was not called on randomly in class. It was very rare for it to happen, as he knew he was considered a model student. So while it was a surprise, his answer flowed out quickly and easily.   
  


“January 29th, 1919, sir.” Bram said, while looking directly into Mr. Henderson’s eyes. 

  
“Thank you for knowing the answer. The rest of you need to do some more studying.” Mr. Henderson said, as he turned back to the board. Bram could feel a few steely glances thrown his way, and he guessed that he was called on not because he was caught texting, but because several others didn’t know the answer. It was a teacher’s Hail Mary, and thankfully he was able to assist. 

** _  
So, is the problem the loss of control,  
_ ** ** _that you lost it in front of Simon &  
_ ** ** _Garrett, or your reaction to the dinner  
_ ** ** _ plans? _ **

**  
_No. Yes. YES.  
  
_ ** ** _No to the first. Unusual circumstance.  
_ ** ** _  
Yes to the second, as neither are  
_ ** ** _going to let it go.   
  
_ ** ** _Big yes to the last, as _ ** ** _I have no logical reason not to. _ **

** _Funnily enough, this is where being_ ** ** _a parent helps. You tell the group that  
_ ** ** _ there is no way your mom will let you go. _ ** ** _You knew that from the beginning, but  
_ ** ** _were embarrassed to say it. You did ask, _ ** ** _and as expected, I said no. I don’t want you  
_ ** ** _driving into the city, at night, after a long day _ ** ** _in school. I’d be fine though, with you going  
_ ** ** _over Nick’s, spending the night, and then go on _ ** ** _Saturday. That way it’s not at night,  
you are not _****_tired and you can spend the whole day having _ ** ** _a good time. _ **

** _  
OMG! Why didn’t I think of that???_ **

** _  
I may have a little more experience. The rest, w_ ** ** _e will work on.  
Now, stop texting, and pay_ ** **_attention. <3_ **

**  
_Thank you!!! <3!!_  
  
**

Bram could not believe it. In a few moments, his mother had completely given him not only a great excuse, but such a great excuse that it was an actual reason. He wasn’t sure if she would have had an issue if it had been any other Friday.   
  
Beltane however, was not the time to be tempting things.  
  
It felt like an enormous weight had been lifted from Bram’s shoulders. He wondered if he could spin the part where his mom had said that he was “embarrassed” to say. It wouldn’t be the first time he did something stupid out of embarassment…  
  
It would absolutely work on the trio...but would it work on Simon & Garrett?

_ \-- Garrett -- _

  
Garrett approached the lunchroom deep in thought, a sight that to some in the school would be something unusual to see. Garrett was almost never deep in thought. He was usually hyper, and flitting from one thought to the next, with a speed that was usually dizzying to other people. He could take a conversation, completely derail it, but somehow end it in a totally logical way related back to the original topic.   
  
Today however, was not a day like that. Today a single thought was rattling around in Garrett’s head. One that was occupying his entire attention, and he just could not dismiss it. It was stupid. It wasn’t like it was this big thing. It was small. It was odd, but it was small. However, he couldn’t excise it from his mind.   
  
Playing over and over like a movie reel on repeat, was the sound of a pencil snapping, and the flash of Bram in total panic. That moment, that look in Bram’s eyes of pure panic, is what Garrett could not get over. It was gone in a second. However, Garrett never forgot a single thing, which could be a blessing and a curse. Right now, he wasn’t sure which it was.  
  
The fact that Bram then, shortly after, asked to be excused from Mr. Wise’s class and did not return, was also something Garrett could not get over. Bram lived for English class. He read Shakespeare for “fun.” Garrett might have an eidetic memory, but he knew his grammar was crap. Every paper he turned in, went through the Bram proofreader first. Bram basically skipping English, was as unlikely as Spier suddenly growing wings.  
  
It did not happen.   
  
So today, as Garrett approached the lunch table, he did so quietly. He nodded at the others, but when he met Bram’s eyes he saw it again. That flash of panic in them as Bram looked back at Garrett.   
  
Simon might always say he knew Bram. Simon had nothing on Garrett. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not a long one, as i didn't want to make it long just to have things happen. I kind of liked how this worked as is, and i thought if i added more into it, it would kind of lessen the feeling. I might be wrong, but like i said, i just liked how this ended. 
> 
> feel free to let me know :D.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm doing better!! the last one was 6 months, this was only 1 month!

\--_ Bram_ \--

Bram entered the lunchroom, unusually alone. Garrett was usually waiting for him right outside the cafeteria, as Bram’s class was a bit farther away. There could be any number of reasons for Garrett to not be there yet, so Bram pushed down his anxiety and entered the room.

As he entered he looked at their normal table, and so far only Leah & Abby were there. He almost hesitated. Not because he had any negative feelings about them, but he knew how much they were pushing for the trip on Friday. He felt he needed the group there to kind of distract their attention from being solely on him. He took a deep breath, and approached.

“Hey guys,” Bram said as he sat in his normal seat. The seats on each side of him are almost achingly empty, waiting for Simon & Garrett to fill them.

“Bram!” Abby responded with a megawatt smile. The positive energy that that girl possessed was impossible to deny.

“Hey Bram.” Leah replied, with a small smile gracing her face. Leah was not one to be emotionally demonstrative at most times. Her and Abby were seriously opposite sides of the same coin.

“Where is Nick? Did you guys banish him from the island?” Bram thought that Nick & Leah had the class together right before lunch.

“He asked Mrs. Kelond if he could talk to her after class. I think he’s worried about the project we have due next week, and wanted to make sure he was on the right path before having to fix too much.” was Leah’s reply. Bram’s scholastic mind approved of that. It was always easier to fix something near the beginning of a project, than having gotten too far into it to make changes.

Bram couldn’t help but compare that to his current situation.

He saw Leah give Abby a look, and then turn to him. “So Bram, we were wond..”

“Hey guys!!” Nick said, practically bouncing to the table, unintentionally interrupting Leah (which Bram knew she hated), and unwittingly saving Bram.

“I’m stoked! Mrs. Kelond said I'm right on track with my project, and she’s actually excited to see the paper. I've never had a teacher tell me they were excited about my paper! Bram, do you feel like this all the time?” Nick’s eyes were practically sparkling at the excitement he felt.

“Actually no. Being a “good student” all the time, teachers just expect me to always be awesome.” Bram said with a grin at Nick, who promptly extended his middle finger “Fuck you!” he said with a good natured laugh. Bram felt accomplished, as while making Abby laugh was easy, getting that small smirk out of Leah was something that deserved a trophy. Simon could do it easily, but then again, that was Simon.

As if thought gave birth to the person, he felt a hand touch his right shoulder, and slide across his back to rest & squeeze his left shoulder. It was how Simon announced his presence to Bram every day. At the first touch on his right shoulder, Bram felt some kind of tension inside of him relax. Simon’s touch was immeasurably soothing to Bram, and he really needed it today.

“Hey B,” Simon said before placing a small kiss on Bram’s cheek. “Hey everyone, how goes the day?”

“Nick’s ‘proud teacher moment’ virginity seems like it finally got taken,” Leah said with a dry tone, as she popped a grape into her mouth. This caused a startled laugh to come out of Bram’s mouth, Abby went into a giggle fit, Nick’s cheeks darkened, and Simon just looked around very with a very confused “Huh??”

As the rest of the crew filled Simon in, Bram felt a presence to his right, as the chair slid out and Garrett slid in. Bram looked up and couldn’t help himself. There was a very contemplative look on Garrett’s face as he looked at Bram, and Bram couldn’t help the small shiver of fear that went down his back. He also knew, in an instant, that Garrett had seen something in his eyes, as Garrett’s face subtly changed.

To save himself from Garrett’s attention, Bram decided to dive right into the current situation.

“Hey guys, I have an update on Friday.” Bram said, which somehow had the effect of causing the entire table to go silent and give him their undivided attention. Bram loathed being the center of attention, but if he just ripped off the bandaid it would be over faster.

“I know I've been weird about it, and sorry about that. I just figured my mom would have an issue with me going, and I didn’t want to be the spoilsport that caused us not to be able to go. I got really wrapped up in my head about it. I did talk to her about it, and as predicted...she said no.”

Before Bram could continue, there was a sigh of disappointment from Nick that was echoed by the rest of the table.

“Could we talk to her? Simon’s parents are letting him go, which honestly is like a miracle on it’s own. If they are ok, maybe we can get her to be?” Nick jumped in.

Simon laughed a bit, remembering how it had not been easy to get his mom to agree to him going. He had begged to not be the one to have to say no. She had relented with a whole bunch of conditions, and he had agreed to every one of them. Maybe not happily, but he had agreed. “Yeah, it was not easy to get that ‘yes’ out of them.”

“So, what now? It won’t be fun if Bram can’t go.” Abby asked.

Before anyone could jump in, Bram continued. “Wait, I wasn’t able to finish. She said she wasn’t happy about us planning to go on a Friday night, after a full day of school, and dealing with the traffic, crowds, & drunks, and then getting home really late.

“She had a suggestion though. Since we were all going to be going back to Nick’s anyway; have a sleepover there on Friday night, and go on Saturday morning. We’d be rested, there would be possibly less traffic, the crowd’s might be thinner, and we’d be able to spend more time before having to come home, and we wouldn’t be dealing with as many drunks as at night.”

The chatter around the table increased as the group started talking about the potential change in plans. Leah at first seemed disappointed, but started getting a smile on her face as she realized that Bram’s mom’s idea was a really good one. Abby was giving Nick puppy dog eyes, as Nick really had wanted to try to sneak into a club at night but he was unable to resist the eyes. Simon actually got excited as he knew this would be a much easier sell to his parents, and then a lot of the concessions he agreed to would be removed.

Then there was Garrett.

Garrett who hadn’t said a single word since he sat down. Garrett, the boy who spoke in a constant stream of chatter, had been quietly sitting there eating his lunch. Garrett, who other than that brief look at Bram when he sat down, had been focusing his entire attention on his food.

“Garret?” Nick interjected. “If we switch to Bram’s mom’s idea, are you good to go on Saturday?”

Garrett looked up briefly, his eyes looking at Bram before darting to Nick. “I’m in. Are we going to your place right after after school, or meeting later? I need to make sure Cal is packed in advance either way. The boy does not pack fast.”

Immediately the conversation began to form around the new plan. Bram could feel how excited everyone was, despite the change of plans everything was still going to happen.

He looked back at Garrett, who was again studying his food.

\-- _Garrett_ \--

Garrett knew he was being borderline rude. He wanted to stop, but he could not get the images out of his head. The more he concentrated on them, the more other things would pop up about odd things Bram had done over the years:

  * How whenever he slept over Garrett’s house, he would go immediately to the refrigerator to put his protein shake for the next morning. Garrett had asked to taste it once, and Bram refused. Said it was something his mom made to help him with his energy levels, but it tasted awful. 
    * How one time he forgot, and he made Garrett drive him home so he could get it.
  * How he was really careful about touching people at all. Unless it was Simon, who he couldn’t touch enough.
  * How no matter the size of the crowd, Bram would always walk directly to wherever Simon was.
  * How he was somehow so good at reading people. He always seemed to know when people were upset.
  * Why he was so odd about any conversation involving anything remotely sexual. They were teenage boys, sex was part of their lives. 
    * Along with that, how he always gave Garrett this small smile whenever Garrett had gotten laid. Bram somehow always knew.
    * He also remembered overhearing a conversation with Simon & Leah, how Simon wished he and Bram would go “further” but Bram said he wasn’t ready.
  * Why to this day, Bram would still never talk about his prior school. Garrett knew that something had happened, but Bram would immediately shut down any conversation.
  * Bram’s odd ability to multifocus, whether in class, on the soccer field, etc.
  * Bram on the soccer field. Garrett was good, but Bram...Bram was in another league entirely.

There were more images, as the thoughts just ran through Garrett’s head. He looked at his best friend, and had the very unsettling thought... that maybe he didn’t know him as well as he thought he did.

\-- _Bram_ \--

Bram knew Garrett was thinking hard. He knew he was withdrawn into that brain of his, thinking lord only knows what.

While the rest of the group was talking, he excused himself to go to the bathroom. He gave Simon a kiss on the cheek, and said he’d be right back.

He pulled out his phone and called his mom.

“_Hey Honey, is everything ok? This is twice in one day you’ve contacted me from school._”

“I know. I hope I'm not disturbing you.”

“_I’m on lunch at the moment, which I think you are too. What’s going on?_”

Bram almost broke down. He could feel the tears building in his eyes, as his voice broke, “I need to tell them. I need to tell Simon & Garrett mom. I can’t keep hiding things from them.”

He heard his mother sigh on the phone.

“_Bram...we’ve talked about this. This has to be your decision. I can’t make it for you. I know you’ve been worried about Garrett for a while, and once you started dating Simon I know you felt like you were lying to him. This is 100% your decision. All I'm asking is that if you are going to tell them, you take the precautions your father & I have told you about._”

“I will. I promise.” Bram took a deep breath to calm down. Hey had his mom’s support, which meant the world to him.

“_Now, you know how I feel about making unspecific plans. Things need to be specific, or they don’t happen. When are you going to tell them?_”

“I think I'm going to ask them to come over tonight. Garrett & I don’t have practice on Wednesdays, and Simon doesn’t have Drama. This way… I can tell them together, and give them some time before the weekend to process.” Bram & Simon usually used this time for making out at one of their houses. He was positive Garrett & Cal did the same, but tonight. Tonight was going to be different.

“_Ok sweetheart. I'll make sure we have everything you need, and then spend the night at my sister’s. If you need me, let me know. I love you."_

“I love you too.”

Bram took a deep breath as he hung up. He knew why his mom wanted him to put a timeframe on this. It made it real.

Now, to get Simon & Garrett over, and tell them a secret he had never told anyone before. He knew that in a few hours, he’d be even closer to two people who meant the world to him...or he might lose one, or both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ready to kill me? i promise the next chapter will have a bit of the conversation getting Garrett & Simon to Bram's, but then the secret will be revealed. 
> 
> any ideas? 
> 
> i did give a few clues in this, but they also could be clues for something else and i realize that. i actually deleted two of garrett's thoughts, as i thought they were sending too strong a signal down the wrong path. 
> 
> let me know :)


End file.
